After spending a few years in europe I was still feeling empty inside so I thought well, maybe If i move to asia everything will be better there.
Few years in asia went by and nothing had really changed So i thought ok, once i go to australia THEN i could be in peace and happy.
After a year in australia i realized I wasn't happy there either, so i needed to go back to asia where there were still a few countries i hadn't been to And could start a new and exciting Life somewhere.
After a few more years in asia I was somehow still not happy, So decided i have to move to new zealand, THERE I will find financial and emotional stability.
And I did! I had finally found what i'd been looking for, Oh wait... no i didn't, new zealand sucked ass for me, I lost all the money i had and came back to asia because it's always easier to find a job here.
It's been three years since NZ, And even though this story is an oversimplification and a million adventures went on in between, I'm guessing you understand What i'm trying to say
Now i live in a tiny one bedroom apartment In a backwards chinese city, I sleep on the floor next my dog and use my jumper as a pillow. I have no job, not much money, no career nor any material stuff.
What i do have though, is a message to transmit, And the means to convey it in a way everyone can understand it. We don't need big words To express big emotions.
I know what you're thinking right now, Peace and happiness come from within And they don't depend on the place where you are, the things you have or the experiences you had.
And you would be right to think that way of course. But Most people reading this already know, that more means less, we can only be happy once we stop craving Things and experiences and all that hippie stuff. But There is much more to it all.
Throughout the years i Had read many books On how to be happy and peaceful and had tried Different meditation styles or retreats, like tibetan or theravada buddhism, vipassana, And they all worked well for a while and gave me a temporary boost that could last for a few days or a few weeks. And after that i started feeling miserable again, Because i was trying to force all this knowledge, understanding and techniques When i just Wasn't ready for it yet.
I was trying to force myself to be peaceful and happy In the same way that people on facebook try to impose Their views and interests on others.
Instead of allowing myself to just be, I kept getting stressed and upset at myself for not being good enough. For not being kind enough. for not being peaceful enough. For not being happy enough. And guess what, that just created more suffering.
how can i be happy if i think there is something wrong with me? If i think i'm too fat or too slim, Or i'm not smart enough, Or not experienced enough or Haven't traveled enough, or i think i'm not peaceful enough, Or i feel lonely, Or i want to Make myself feel bad for some mistakes i made in the past.
And i would end up blaming myself for all the problems in this world as well. The animals are still suffering because maybe i'm not vegan enough, The environment suffers because i'm not freegan enough And i waste too many resources, The people suffer because i don't Go to enough protests to stop the governments from making people suffer and people around me suffer because i'm not kind enough to them.
And guess what, taking all the blame didn't help either. All these years i WAS good enough and i WAS doing my best. I just couldn't see it because of a lack of understanding. Lack of wisdom to be more accurate.
When we want to feel bad We will find a way, and when we want to feel like we are the victims Of an unfair world or system We will find a way to Accommodate the facts To fit our own conjectures and views.
How can i be happy if i don't love and accept myself. If i don't appreciate all the good things i do, and keep on Focusing on the bad ones.
Now, i am not claiming to be enlightened or having all the answers, I just want to share my experiences in hope that someone will find them useful.
I don't need any prize or praise, That's why i like this blog That we can set it up to no advertisements So as not to inconvenience the readers.
And if i were to die tomorrow you will know exactly what i was thinking and feeling.
At the same time i got to a point in my life Where i stopped thinking 'maybe i shouldn't say that', Instead i'd think 'okay let's see what happens'
And is this commitment to honesty and truth the one that allows me to be writing this right now.
It allows me to be honest with myself, to understand what i really think and feel and why, and being able to share it with the world.
I am a simple person that maybe in his arrogance Truly believes he has found a meaning to it all.
It has found Its purpose in life, To serve, to be happy and to help others Find happiness By sharing with them The means, and thought processes i Found useful myself.
I am, after all, a scientist at heart, don't believe in any new age of magic kind of stuff.
What i do believe in is truth, understanding And the idea that only you are in charge of your thoughts emotions and feelings.
And whatever it is you think it's preventing you from being happy It could be seen with a different light if you so choose to.
It is said that overthinking is the Major cause of unhappiness and depression, In this case the opposite can be said as well.
Over thinking can be the way to see things more deeply And understanding you have everything you need to be happy. And every reason for it as well.
A good starting point Could be to be kind towards your body.
I used to be the person Who would sit Down for two hours In the same position trying to Meditate, Until my back And my legs would hurt.
Without knowing it, I was being aggressive to my body. Trying to find peace through violence.
That's Just one of the many mistakes i made And intend to share with you all So that maybe Together, we can come one step closer to being (and feeling) better.
Thank you for reading.
Bruce
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