Hey there buddy 3

Be Skeptical. If you go to a job interview and the interviewer keeps reminding you how good this job is, then is not a good job.

What if I miss getting a really good job because the interviewer was just being honest?

You wont, if your government constantly reminds you how free you are that means you are not free, because in a true free society no one needs to tell you that you are free, if china was a free country they would just call themselves china, instead of people's republic of china, and north korea would be called north korea instead of democratic people's republic of north korea, congo would be just congo instead of democratic republic of the congo and..

ok, I got it.

If your parents remind you often how lucky you are because of so and so, it means you are not lucky and they just want to make you feel guilty so you will bend to their will.
If a girl says you don't need to use a condom that means you do need to use a condom because...

got it

If something sounds too good to be true, it is too good to be true. Most scams prey on people's greed and their desire to get something for nothing.

Why can't I just trust everyone and take their words for it, I don't want to worry about people cheating on me, being an adult sucks.

I know, it's like being dead but you're still here.

I wouldn't ever trust the governments anyway.

There will be some revolutions in the future, ukraine, turkey, egypt, Iran, thailand,  etc, but they usually just want to patch up the system, instead of fixing it or building one that works for everyone, so it's not worth joining, there was one in iceland that got good results though, but the others were all quite violent and we shall never engage in any kind of violent activities, no matter what, there is no excuse for violence, ever.
The reason there are wars is because people keep going to wars. 

I see. So how to handle a violent situation?

Best we can do is stand there and make sarcastic comments.

Got it. But how can I get a girl?

I thought we covered that already, you need to get stronger, that will make you confident.

But I need more advice, something that doesn't take years to master, something I can use tomorrow.

Tomorrow at the pokemon tournament?  

Yes.

...

...

Ok, how about the 3 seconds rule? or was it 5 seconds?

You mean were we eat what we just dropped?

Yes, but in this case is girls instead of food. After making eye contact you approach within a few seconds to avoid awkwardness or coming up as creepy.
Remember girls want someone strong, independent, spontaneous and confident, someone who doesn't doubt himself and that is the image you project when yo approach within the first few seconds of making eye contact. Otherwise they'll be able smell your fear.

Got it, what else?

They also want someone who doesn't need them. Someone who doesn't want them, so if you ignore them and don't look so desperate they will just come to you. 
There's a reason why they usually come when you already have a girlfriend, is because they can feel, sense, or to put it more accurately, perceive that you don't need them. And that's what makes you attractive in their eyes.
I know it doesn't make much sense but it doesn't have to, that's girl's logic and the sooner you understand it the better off you will be and the less pain you'll go through, you don't need to understand it, you need to accept it, is that clear?

Yes, what else?

Ok, everything I said about girls so far works for 90% of them the other 10% are the ones worth keeping, The ones who don't need to be seduced or lured into a sense of security because they don't care that you don't know what to say. They are the ones who will love you for who you are and how you are, no matter what, the ones who will follow you everywhere you go and will always want to be with you and understand you. 
The ones who will appreciate you fully and feel lucky to be with you.
The ones who will not cheat on you but if they do they wouldn't say something like 'I was drunk' or 'it just happened' they will tell you the truth instead, which probably is that they were just curious, lonely, horny or they just wanted to try something new, which is somehow understandable.

Are those valid excuses to cheat on someone betray their trust or destroying your relationship? 

Of course they are not, but they are more honest than 'it just happened', they can bring some kind of closure, and by being honest they can open the door to friendship or at least a level of mutual understanding.

I understand, what else?


Now we need to talk about vegans, I know you are vegan now, but you're making a mistake. 
I've been vegan for like 10 years and i regret the mistakes I've made, like not knowing how many grams of protein, carbs and fats i should take every day, not knowing how many calories are in the food i eat, nor how much i require depending on my level of physical activity.
I know because of our traveling lifestyle is often impossible to boil the broccoli we need to eat after exercise, afford and carry all the nuts, make shakes with fruits and nuts and soy milk, being vegan takes time, effort, planning and dedication at least during the first few years and you haven't put much into it. 
A balanced diet is all about numbers, no more and no less, if you get that wrong nothing else matters, there are plenty of websites that will tell you how many calories the food you eat has, and after a few years you wont need to worry about numbers anymore, you will just know it. 
Free range eggs are ok also, as long as you are sure where they come from there should be nothing wrong with eating them. There are plenty of soy protein powder shakes to drink after your last rep but I'd rather you boil the broccoli, cauliflower, eggs and beans, and nuts, heaps of nuts.

Ok, what else?

Now comes the hard part, talking to people about veganism. there are some kinds of people who just wants to bash or make fun of vegans, just because they are different or think different than them, so they deserves no respect, just walk away from them, don't engage.
Weather you like them or not, vegans are people who have decided to take measures and alter their daily lives to lessen the impact on the environment and the suffering of other species and that is something that deserves respect, from any point of view.
The reason why most people hate vegans is because they come across as pretentious, obnoxious, extremists and arrogant. 
The empathy they show towards the animals is not showed towards other humans, and they will even shun most vegetarians and even other fellow vegans because they eat honey or because they agree with them 99% instead of 100%.
They don't understand our point number 1, about remembering the monkeys, most people eat meat because that's just the way things are and the way they have always been, if they had been raised in an environment where people don't eat meat they wouldn't be eaten meat now.
But most vegans will see them as criminals for not changing or even acknowledging the impact their diets have on the environment and every animal and human's lives. 
To sum it up, avoid other vegans, and avoid people who don't respect vegans.

So just avoid everyone?

Yes, because none of them are willing to view or accept other people's views.
All those specially produced vegan products also take a huge toll on the environment, global warming, water pollution, co2 emissions, extinction and loss of natural habitat of many species. There is one solution is called freeganism, is when you try to use and eat things that have been discarded by society, which is quite easy in developed countries but somehow troublesome in underdeveloped countries, It's what we will be trying to aim for.
 
Ok, I will ignore them, what else.

Don't need to ignore, but learn how to dodge their bullets, if a vegan or a non vegan asks you why don't you eat meat just say you don't like it. 

Same as with the religions?

Yes, if somebody asks you if you believe in god, just say you are not sure. Because if they were mature enough to accept your real answer they wouldn't be asking that question in the first place. 
If you say you don't believe in god they will ask you very aggressively 'so what do you believe in?' because in their minds we all have to believe in something and it has to be something that has been pre-scripted by someone else and that other people believe in as well.
You can't just go around life happily smelling the flowers and not believing in anything, that would be a crime in their minds.
And the same goes with people who ask you 'what do you do?' People who ask you that question is because they will only accept an answer they have heard before and they can relate to, something that will make them feel safe with themselves and grant them the knowledge that you are also a productive member of society that contributes to it as much as they do. But they know nothing about the real world or alternative ways of living, they just want validation, reassurance and you're gonna try to give it to them.
'What do you do?' is not the same as asking 'what's your job?' 
People who ask the first question they assume there is only one thing a person can do during their whole lives, people who ask the second one can understand some people often change jobs or do different things or they may unemployed, under employed or volunteering their time, or building a robot, or on a long life holiday, they may be fed up with the system and searching for something else, they may be writing a novel or playing videogames the whole day but those are things they can't understand because they can't relate to them.
So you can be honest to people who ask you 'what's your job?'.
People who ask you 'what do you do?' must be dealt in the same way as the vegans, vegan haters, and religious people. The truth is too much for them to handle so just lie to them, tell them what they want to hear, it doesn't mater, you could be a rock star for all they know.


1. Remember the monkeys.  2. There are 200 other countries.  3 Train your Nose  4. Tell family you love them.  5. Talk to yourself 6. Get stronger. 7. Do what’s right.  8. Sign up to couchsurfing. 9. Keep playing videogames 10. Penis is ok. 11. Make the most of my life. 12. Avoid religions. 13. Avoid talking about diets. What else?


give me two years


What? Ok

Hey there buddy 2

Ok, You know I often wonder if I play too many videogames and they may be lowering my self awareness, because I spend more time on the virtual world than in the real one. 

That’s a good question, and looking back at all the hours I’ve spent playing videogames when I was your age I can honestly say I regret nothing. Gaming is about memories that will last forever and you had a smile on you while you were playing, you were having a good time and that's what counts in the long run.

Aside from the social isolation, nothing bad came out of it, I actually treasure all the time spent controlling Squall, Tidus, Yitan, Yuna, and Cloud, those are just a few names I know, but you were having a great time while escaping reality, you learned English, acquired more hand to eye coordination that you will ever know what to do with, playing action videogames trains you to make the right decisions faster without loss of accuracy, so you are actually increasing your self awareness by developing a heightened sensitivity to what is going on around you. You will eventually grow tired of them though, so don’t worry too much, keep playing, unless someone comes from the future and tells you otherwise..

That’s other thing I need you to remember when you think you are making a mistake but no one comes from the future to stop you, chances are it wasn’t even a mistake in the first place, but a well needed step on a series of events that will lead you to this very moment.

Is that clear? Any other questions?

Well, yes, many actually, you know there are a few cute girls at my school, but how do I know which one I really really like?

To be honest you don't. Because you don't know any of those girls well enough, you have idealized them, and are judging them by the way you feel when you are around them. 

You know, we often just want something because we can't have it, or worse yet, we want something because we don't have it, and that's wrong. 

Sometimes if something is too easy we loose interest, because there's no challenge, sometimes we need to feel like we've earned it, we can't just accept happiness if it's given to us, and that's also a mistake, doesn't matter how you get it, happiness is still happiness, so I want you to stay with a girl that holds your hand and walks with you on the street, remember, being loved is the reason you’re here now, don’t be paranoid and don’t ever think that she is cheating on you, you’re only hurting yourself and ruining your relationships, you need to be more confident. But back to your question, if you ever feel like you need to choose between more than one girl, i gotta tell you it really all comes down to the last person you think of at night before going to sleep.

That's good advice, got it 

Next item in the agenda is that your penis is just fine.

What? Where did that come from?

Men who worry about their penis's size, shape, etc do so because of some psychological conditions such as depression, social incompetence, awkwardness, anxiety, low self esteem, or a combination of all of them, or because they measure up to the unrealistic standard set up by the only guys the have ever seen naked, the ones in porn. I'm just gonna leave that here and swiftly move on to a less embarrassing topic

Got it: 1. Remember the monkeys.  2. There are 200 other countries.  3 Train your Nose  4. Tell family you love them.  5. Talk to yourself 6. Get stronger. 7. Do what’s right.  8. Sign up to couchsurfing. 9. Keep playing videogames 10. Penis is ok.

Next topic is happiness.

That's what I need, teach me master.

95% of people don’t need to worry about happiness, they just wake up every day, go about their habits and then they die, like the monkeys. But once in a while, once a year or every couple of years you will meet a person and you will know that person is really happy.
I wouldn't ruin the surprise by telling you their names but when you meet them you will feel it, it doesn't meant they smile a lot or they are very friendly, there's more to happiness than that. And they will be your teachers, not me, so just stick to them and you'll do fine. 

But oftentimes you will find yourself in situations that make you wonder if you really ARE happy. 
Sometimes it seems like life is good and everything is finally coming together. You have good friends, a sweet girlfriend, no financial issues, a fun job, good health and everything an average simple minded person could ask for. And there lies the problem, you are not an average person and it takes more than a little thought to figure out if you are really happy or just really comfortable.

To get the answer you need to refer back to point number 5, talk to yourself, only you know and only you can hear the screams inside you when you are trapped in a meaningless existence, craving and longing for some adventure, for something real, to experience life outside this walls you have built around you. 
That's when you know it's time to move on. And you do move on, you don't invent excuses to stay in a miserable life, you move on and you do so with a smile and without looking back. 

That's too deep for me right now.

Abandoning security and comfort to seek something that will make you feel alive or happier, how is that deep? 

Yes, I don't get it. Why can't i just learn to be happy with what I have? How can I be happy If I always seek change and new experiences?

You got it wrong, I didn't say you have to ALWAYS seek change and new experiences, I said sometimes you will feel trapped and you will just crave them, it doesn't mean you are looking for them, it means it's what you need to do in order not to fall into a conformist materialistic, or otherwise meaningless way of life. 
It's important to find a balance between stability and adventure, so I usually work one year, hang out with the same people and have a stable life and the year after that one I'd use it to travel, do something i haven't done before, hang out with different people or by myself, go to places i haven't been before and feel alive again until sooner or later, all this experiences start accumulating and being too much for our mind to process, that's when I start craving for stability again, a warm bed, a hot shower, a group of friends, a source of income, a stable relationship, etc. 
So we find happiness through balance not by becoming an adventure junkie or a salary man, but by knowing what's the right thing for you to do at this specific time in your life and having the courage to act up on it instead of making up excuses like most people do, they'd say I don't have money, or I'm too young, or too old, or what will my family or friend would think? They are just really comfortable by not taking risks, doing what is expected of them and not challenging the norm, because it takes more effort. 
But being comfortable doesn't mean being happy. 
You are allowed to adopt this conformist attitude for a few month only, never more than a year, because there is only one life (despite what very gullible people will tell you) and it's very short so you have to make the most of it. And to make the most of it you need to learn the difference between happiness and conformity and you need to know how to wake yourself up when go into autopilot and start doing things just because they are easy, you got used to them or because other people are doing them. got it?

There is only one life? how can you be so sure? Absence of evidence is not an evidence of absence.

Well in some specially farfetched cases it is, and this is one of those cases.

How about the religions? Many of them think there is not just one life.

In that case is better not to argue with them, and that bring us to our next lesson, you see there will be times when you will lose the argument even before starting a discussion, because the reasons why you are right are too complex for your opponent to understand. People who believe in religions fall into this category, it doesn't mean you don't know how to explain it well or simply enough for them to understand, it means that they will not listen to your argument or try to understand it because they have already made up their minds a long time ago, they have been convinced that they are the ones who are right and everyone who opposes them is wrong, regardless of the argument they bring along with them. 
So best thing to do in this case would be to change the subject or just walking away politely, remember the monkeys and remember they are a product of their environment and the reason they believe in this or that religions is because they have been born in this or that part of the world at this or that period in time. 
But if possible I would ask you to ignore religious people altogether, always. 
If someone tells you they believe in god that represents a total lack of self awareness, they will avoid any attempt at critical thinking, this are the kind of people that would defend the government and the status quo, the kind of people that would go to war and justify criminal or violent acts by saying 'it's an act of god', 'it's human nature', 'it's a complicated situation' or 'that's how the world works'.
For example if there is a child starving on the street, they will find some way to justify it so they don't need to admit that the government has failed to administer and distribute our planet's resources in a fair way. They are the enemies of change and progress, so they will be easily offended by any idea that implies that things need to change.


That's crude.


I know and it may sound arrogant, so no one should know the reasons why you ignore them, only you.
If they get pushy just smile and change the subject, or do anything in your power to avoid talking about religion.
It doesn't mean they are bad and you are good, no one is intrinsically good or bad, things change and people change, that's why in the long run you will make a few religious friends, and you will be helped by many religious people during your travels. And they will try to convert you, so just remember, be polite always, smile, and remember the monkeys.


got it: 1. Remember the monkeys.  2. There are 200 other countries.  3 Train your Nose  4. Tell family you love them.  5. Talk to yourself 6. Get stronger. 7. Do what’s right.  8. Sign up to couchsurfing. 9. Keep playing videogames 10. Penis is ok. 11. Make the most of my life. 12. Avoid religions. 
Is that it?

We're almost half way there.

Ok, what's next?

hey there buddy

Hey there buddy!

???

How was your birthday?

Sorry?

Today was your 17^th birthday, right?

Who are you?

You don’t recognize me? Take a wild guess

I don’t know, but I’m scared

You shouldn’t be, I’m you, from the future

Oh

Oh, that’s it?

Yes

You don’t believe me? Ask me something only you know

I didn’t say I don’t believe you

Oh

I believe you

So… a stranger suddenly appears in your room, he tells you he’s the future version of yourself and you believe him?

Yes, why wouldn’t I?

Well, I guess you’re right, why wouldn’t you? I forgot that when I was your age I used to believe all kinds of random stuff, so this would have been a somehow acceptable scenario at the time.

Why are you here?

I don’t know, why are you here?

I live here, this is my room

Right, yes, I remember now, I came to give you some advice

What kind of advice?

Life advice of course

Do I ever get to kiss a girl?

You do actually

Just one?

More than one

How does it feel?

You’ll find out

When?

Soon enough

How soon?

In about a year

I can die in peace now

If you die I die too

It’s just an expression, but wait, why are we speaking English?

I don’t know that’s just the way it is

So I speak English in the future?

Not just English you get to learn many languages

So life does get better for me after all?

Not just better, like much much better, like over 9000 times better

Over 9000… I can see that, as I even get to travel backwards in time apparently

Actually you don’t, sorry about that, this is just a dream, and that’s why we speak English, our dreams are always in English.

I see, so how old are you now?

I’m 30. I mean you are 30. We are 30.

So, I get to kiss a girl, learn many languages and I even get to live until 30??? That’s just amazing, what else, do I get to live in Japan?

You do, and not just in japan

Where else?

That’s for you to find out, but one of the reasons I’m here is to tell you to hang in there, I know life’s a hell right now; I know things at school and at home are not as good as they could be, to put it mildly. I know you’ve been contemplating suicide. I know you worry about many things, including what other people think of you. And I want you to know that’s normal at your age, and I want you to know it will all be over soon, all those people that, for whatever reason make your life a living hell, will all be gone for good, not gone from this world, just gone from your life. And remember your life is not perfect, but you have everything you need to be happy and to be a good person.

I see…

I know some people at school make fun of you because your nose is too big can’t fit in, or because your taste in music, hell I even remember someone making fun of you because your last name ends on an A, how crazy was that? And this brings us to the first important thing I need you to learn “remember the monkeys”

Ok, I got it

You’re not gonna ask what monkeys?

No, should I?

Yes

Ok, what monkeys?

Now listen carefully: A group of scientists placed five monkeys in a cage, and in the middle, a ladder with bananas on top.

Every time a monkey went up the ladder, the scientists soaked the rest of the monkeys with cold water.

After a while, every time a monkey would start up the ladder, the others would pull it down and beat it up.

After a time, no monkey would dare try climbing the ladder, no matter how great the temptation.

The scientists then decided to replace one of the monkeys. The first thing this new monkey did was start to climb the ladder. Immediately, the others pulled him down and beat him up.

After several beatings, the new monkey learned never to go up the ladder, even though there was no evident reason not to, aside from the beatings.

The second monkey was substituted and the same occurred. The first monkey participated in the beating of the second monkey. A third monkey was changed and the same was repeated. The fourth monkey was changed, resulting in the same, before the fifth was finally replaced as well.

What was left was a group of five monkeys that – without ever having received a cold shower – continued to beat up any monkey who attempted to climb the ladder.

If it was possible to ask the monkeys why they beat up on all those who attempted to climb the ladder, their most likely answer would be “I don’t know. It’s just how things are done around here.”

Now if you ever wondered why you are bullied, just remember the monkeys.

Is that story even true?

Of course, everything on the internet is true.

Ok, got it, is that all?

No, we’re just getting started, grab a pen; there is some important stuff you’ll need to get right

The second thing I need to teach you is that there are 200 other countries out there, so don’t sweat it, there will be times in your life when you will be fed up of everything, maybe you hate your job, maybe your girlfriend broke up with you, maybe you killed someone, doesn’t matter, in times like this you need to remember there are other 200 countries out there, so just leave and start again. And there will be times when everything’s perfect with your life but you still have to move to other country for change’s sake. That’s also ok, because life is a journey and you need to keep moving forward, so remember this in the good times and the bad ones.

kill someone?

Yes, it may happen, you never know.

Ok, 1. Remember the monkeys 2. There are 200 other countries, what else?

The third one is that there are a few things I need you to start nurturing, the first one is your sense of smell.

As you may already know, your sense of smell is slightly more developed than others, but I need you to start training it now, you’ll learn why later. Right now your nose is more sensitive than others but you can’t recognize the scents. One way to train yourself in nose work goes like this, you need a friend to help you, you will leave the room and he will hide something with a particular smell under a box or cup, and then you have to choose which box contains the object, after a few months, and as you progress and your sense of smells develops, he will hide it anywhere in the room or in the house, and you’ll have to find it blindfolded relying only on your smell.

So I’m like a dog in the future?

Yes, except that you’re not, you’re still human. But you can’t tell anyone about it, if your friend asks why you need to learn nose work, just tell him it sounds fun or that you need it for some cold reading experiment or anything like that. You can only tell your past self, providing you get to travel in time somehow.

But I would need to travel in space first, because the earth is not in the same place in space now as it was in the past or it will be in the future

Time and space are linked together, so yes. It’s just hypothetical anyway.

But if I talk to my past self wouldn’t that cause some kind of paradox? Like altering my present self and eventually preventing me to go back to the past to talk to my past self?

No, it would only change your present self, so the future self is the present version of yourself that has been influenced by your future self but has no memory of the meeting, thus closing the loop.

We must be really fun at parties right?

How long have you been waiting to say that?

It just came to mind after you mentioned the nose work.

We don't attend parties. 

Why is that?

Because there are people there. 

Right...

Do you have any other questions?

Yes, like 7

ok, you get to ask one now

When was the last time you talked to your mother?

I don’t know a couple of weeks, a couple of months ago, couldn’t say for sure. Why is that?

I don’t know, just wondering,

Is that a soft spot there? I thought we didn’t have one

Ok, so now that we’re on it, I’ve got bad news, your relationship with your family is not the best one and you’re partially to blame for it, but don’t worry, there’s still time to fix it, you only need to do 2 things, the first one keep in touch with them, not like every day, but an email or a phone call every few weeks is not really all that hard, isn’t it? And the second one tell them that you love them, that’s all it takes. You may have different opinions but they all love you (in their own ways) and they want the best for you. And if you can master the courage to do so, also tell people on the street that you love them, not in a creepy way, or in a gay way, learn to say it on an honest way, like you mean it, and like if it was the most normal thing in the world, like if you were asking for the time or for directions. You know you are all connected, biologically, chemically, atomically, and loving every one is just the right thing to do. Telling them so just happens to be something of an added bonus.

Ok, 1. Remember the monkeys.  2. There are 200 other countries.  3 Nose work  4. Tell family you love them. What else?

When was the last time you talked to yourself?

I don’t know, right now?

Yes, and that’s what you have to remember, talking to yourself is your key to sanity

You mean “sanity”

Yes, sanity, and understanding, that’s how you get to deload, deload means to let all those things out that you can’t tell anyone else. And anyway you have no friends or anyone to tell them to, so you have to learn to talk and listen to yourself and that’s how you will find the solution to your problems, you will always advice yourself to make the best possible rational decision based on the information available. Most of the times that decision will go against the norm but still, you must always trust your gut feeling and never ever ignore your instincts.

And the reason you know it’s the right decision is because you use a technical way to reach it, not a social one, or a moral one, or a political, religious or economical one, always a technical one. And the way to find it is always talking to yourself, because you know better and in this case knowing better just means you have more information available that what lies in the surface. And by talking to yourself you are able to dig deeper and deeper into your subconscious mind until you find the right answer reached by the right decision making process.

There are many ways to talk to yourself, you can use two different voices, you can make a recording and reply to it, you can write down a conversation with two or more people taking part in it, and each one of them can have different points of views, and refute each other. The one I recommend though is using two different voices and replying to yourself, just remember to always do it in public places, like the subway or the bus, because knowing that people are listening to you gives you more pressure to come up with a good argument, or at least a funny one, ideally both.

That’s too much; I’m trying to fly under the radar in case you haven’t noticed. I don’t want people looking at me and knowing what I think.

I know it’s hard, but it’s just the way it has to be. This doesn’t mean you wont be making mistakes, of course you will, some of them on purpose, and that’s good, that’s how you learn, sometimes you will make a mistake because it was the right thing to do at that time, and making a mistake fully aware it’s a mistake and why you are making it will actually raise your self-awareness, which is a superb feat to have in and of itself. And you will, through travel and experience, acquire a level of understanding and self awareness that are not easily matched, and one day in the distant future, you will be put some of it in words, and write a blog staging hours worth of lengthy monologues for all of your fans to enjoy.

Do I have a lot of fans?

You have 4, and they are all Russians.

Russians? That’s interesting.

So..?

Oh, right, 1. Remember the monkeys.  2. There are 200 other countries.  3 Nose work  4. Tell family you love them.  5. Talk to yourself

Good job, now to the hard part, boy-girl relationships

So I’m not gay?

Absolutely not, well not yet at least

Not that there’s anything wrong with it, I was just wondering

Of course you were, hey I haven’t seen Seinfeld in years that was a good show!

We can watch it now if you want

Now is not the right time, I have to tell you the real reason you haven't been with a girl yet is because there is a ghost who is in loved with you and she is using her supernatural powers to keep girls away from you.

For real?

No, I'll tell you the real reason, so please listen carefully and don’t take this the wrong way, you are needy, weak, emotional and clingy, to put in one word: pathetic. That's why girls don't like you.

“don’t take this the wrong way…”

Not for me, I think you’re cool, I mean that’s how girls see you and that’s why you haven’t even come close to any physical contact with any real girl, so I need you to get stronger, both physically and emotionally, they both go together so don’t worry just yet.

I’ve been going to the gym and I read the book “the game”, I’m trying.

I know you’re trying but you’re doing it all wrong, I know you’ve been going to the gym, but you over train and that’s counterproductive, I know you go there every day, sometimes you stay there like 5 hours, and take too many classes, yoga, take won do, capoeira, boxing, judo, kung fu, ninjutsu, kendo, dancing, taichi, and you do it as a way to avoid reality by keeping yourself really busy so you don’t need to think about your life. So I’ll need you to chose just one class and stick with it.

Kung fu it is then

Good choice, and the same goes for weightlifting, you are doing it all wrong, you spend like 2 hours a day with machines, no free weight, too much isolation and no compound exercises, too much cardio, you tear up your muscles, you eat poorly, you make all the mistakes a person can possibly make at the gym, and you’ll never get stronger that way. You just get weaker and tired.

I know, and I really try, but there’s just too much contradictory information out there and everyone says I have to do something different. If only someone could come from the future and tell me what really works and how to do it.

Today’s your lucky day then, look, I know you like exercise but too much is counterproductive, stick with kung fu, one or 2 hours a week in your non lifting days, you can lift only 3 and sometimes 4 days a week, each time you will train only one muscle group and then you will let it rest for a week at least, so max 4 times a week to the gym for 45 minutes each max. if you want to get stronger you need to lift some heavy weight, there’s no way around it, and to lift some heavy weight you need to be at your best, which you wont be if you tire yourself to death running a half marathon before lifting. You’re already underweight so cut the cardio all together; or limit it to half an hour a week. Keep your warm up sessions to 5 minutes uphill cycling or some light weight sets.

You need a routine that is simple, and easy to stick to, and you need to focus on compound lifts only, forget the isolation at least for now.

Write this down: day 1: legs, focusing on the squat, day 2: chest and triceps, focusing on the bench press, day 3: back and biceps, focusing on the dead lift, day 4: shoulders and abs, focusing on the military press.

At least a day break between work outs and when I say focusing I mean that’s your priority exercise, so you have to do it at the beginning of your work out when you’ve got plenty of energy to go around with, other thing progressive overload doesn’t work for you, give it all you’ve got in the first few sets and slope downward from there.

You will be doing 3 to 4 sets of 6 to 8 rep with 80% of your max 1 rep weight and you will take at least 3 minutes break in between sent, I know now 3 minutes sounds like a lot and it will look like you do less than everyone else in the gym, but you shouldn’t care about that, I wish someone had told me this a few years ago, many people will give you many kinds of advice, but they are not you and they don’t know what works for you, they know what works for them, and they don’t spend half the time you do reading medical studies and trials to see what works and what doesn’t, so just ignore them politely and do what you have to do.

Forget about running and yoga, there will be time to get faster and flexible once you get stronger, getting stronger should be the priority now. Once you can bench press and squat at least your own weight, then you can maybe start thinking about yoga or Pilates. 

Why are you so into this stuff?

To be honest I am not, I just I needed to explain it right to you so you can do it now and I don’t need to do it myself later.

I don’t think that's how it works, but alright.

It was worth a try anyway, the reason you have to be stronger is so that you can have more confidence and can talk to girls, remember the age old question “why girls prefer douchebags?” is because they have confidence and that’s a turn on, good news is you don’t need to be a douche to be confident, strong people are also confident, the reason I mention girls is because you are 17 and curious of how it would be to hold a girls hand, well you know what, if you are strong, you wont care what others think of you, specially girls, and you wont care about rejection, girls will feel that and they will be attracted to you because they sense your confidence, as simple as that.

And that confidence will expand to every part of your life and help you deal with troublesome or uncomfortable situations, like if you need to go to a job interview, climb a mountain or tell someone what you really think.

There will be times when you will need to be strong and forget about the monkeys, the monkeys are only when something bad is done to you, but when someone else’s safety is on the line then you will need to interfere, the most common thing is to find man hitting woman on the street or woman hitting children or people hitting animals, or bullies making fun or being mean to someone, or students beating a weaker student.

Those are the times where being strong and confident will come more in handy.

Like a vigilante?

Not like a vigilante, like a person who does the right thing at the right time, there is no excuse for hitting a woman, a child or an animal, so you have to interfere because it’s just the right thing to do, like when you see a hungry homeless you have to invite him home and give him some food and shower and clean clothes, it’s just the right thing to do, if you are driving and there’s a hitchhiker or someone who need help or need a lift you stop and give them a lift, it’s not too hard and nothing to think twice about, if there’s stray or hurt animal you adopt him or find someone who can take care of him, you don’t leave him to die on the street. That’s now who you are.

That doesn’t mean you are a hero and there’s nothing to brag about, those are all extreme examples of situations when there’s just one course of action for you to take. You have to get used to doing what’s right and the sooner the better.

I invite the homeless to my home in the future?

Not just the homeless, you invite everyone home because you trust everyone and that has gotten you to where you are. You had hosted hundreds of travelers from many countries, which reminds me that there is a website you will need to sign up to, it’s called couchsurfing, and it’s the website that will change your life for good and open you and infinite amount of doors

Ok, 1. Remember the monkeys.  2. There are 200 other countries.  3 Train your Nose  4. Tell family you love them.  5. Talk to yourself 6. Get stronger. 7. Do what’s right.  8. Sign up to couchsurfing.   Can I ask a question?

Sure, let me just grab a drink

Ok...

Yes, what's the question? *sips a martini*