but why

ok, last post was six months ago, what happened since?

i left china and came to south america

but why?

thats what everyone asks me always and in the same way that the japanese say we have 3 faces, one we show to aquintances, other one for friends and family and the real one that we never show to anyone, so the answer to this that i give to people who are not so close to  me is that i wanted to see my family becausei hadnt seen them for a long time, and even though its true,its meant to be an answer that easyto diggest, understand and relate to by anyone, so that became the template to the one we can add some detailsaccording to what we feel our listener needs to hear in that moment.
the second answer for people who are a bit closer to me is that i was looking for something different thatn what i had had for a long time, for new experiences and that why i needed to start a walking trip, because its something i had neverdone before, andsome kind of a challenge,and also becausei wastoo comfortable in asia so neededto get out of my comfort zone, and while a little bit harder to swallow,its still easily understoodby most people who somehow knew me already.
and the thirdanswerthat no one know but me, and now you, whoever you are, is more complicated to understand and to explain, we cn say that it definitely  had nothing todo with family oradventures, workor oportunities nor any kind of superficial experiences or reasons, the true answer lies in the field of existentialism, and its hard to reply honestly tot he question of why moved to another continent without going into the subject of free willfirst and why we do anything we do. there are a million different variables afectingthe decision wetake, and i could probably fill upa few volumes of an encyclopedia explaining just a handful of those varibles, but theresno way people who ask you such a simple question likewhydid you come here could be ableto graspthe whole reality behind the reason we do things, so we take some super simple thing they can understand, and simplify mters sothat we can fulfillour secret desired to be understood and accepted by others. because we are afraid of being rejectedifwe tellthem there are millions of factors into play that affect our decisions.

so that is your exhaustive answer, it cn never be simple with you, there always hve tobe  something else, a way to make things more difficult than they already are. and to prove how intelectually superior you feel to those who chose to live theirlives more simply without getting crushed everyday by the existential weight of being alivee and having to deal with this so called consciousness thing.

now i feel like you are projecting and thats how you seeyourselfso you putit on me, so as to explain how you feel

but why would i do that?

as some sort of therapy , or exercise, or as a way to tryto escpe the fact that you are aware that this life and this universe as we know it is either a computer simulation or somekind of illusion or that everything is real, whichmeans existence is meaningless, you are just an accident and youwill die and cease to existe and goodluck going to sleep at night with either of those

i wasnt planning to sleep anyway, and i know about that already, aandi hve made peace with the fact that either everythingis an illusion or everytihing is real and meaningless theres absolutely nothing i cn do about it, so why worrying?

faair enough, so whats up with all the typos, itslike youre not even trying

it is wht it is

so much for an nswer