November 29, 2014

Chaotic good


do you remember firefly?

no, what's that?

an old sci-fi  show

what was it about?

it's like cowboys, but in space

2 genres I'd rather skip on

well, just watch it

but...

just watch it, you know that's how i always imagined your life to be like

like a cowboy in space?

well, maybe not really cowboys, more like renegades, smugglers, thieves, they have to do odd jobs always in different planets, like retrieving some goods or robbing a train, and you also have to do many odd jobs in different countries, and many people want to kill them, same as you, and they are hunted down by the government just like you are, they have to live in the ship, they get into lots of troubles, but oftentimes they get to score some big rewards. And even though they have the proper documentation, the alliance (usa+chinese government) will try to give them some trouble anyway, just because they can. and overall, the characters are usually just surviving in a hostile environment, but somehow, and against all odds they always thrive, same as you do.

so same as cowboy beebop?

well, yeah, but..., well, just watch it

i might give it a go, but if my life is already like that, as you say, then the show would be quite boring indeed, I'd rather be watching something radically different, to get my head out of the mundane routines of daily life.

good point, but you may get some new ideas

i actually haven't broken any law in many many years

you know that's not true, but you confuse the phrase "breaking the law" with "doing something wrong" you have very high morality issues, maybe too high, you can't hurt animals, you can't consciously do things that will damage the environment or some ecosystems, you can't hurt people, you can't use filthy language, you can't steal, you have to take sides with the disadvantaged ones and if you see an unfair situation you can't ignore it because you think those who ignore it are accomplices in the unfairness, so that gets you into a variety or troubles and awkward situations, you have to do the right thing, even though i makes other people feel bad or uncomfortable, you need to stand by your beliefs, and do what's right even though it means breaking the law in the process.

oh

and if we start sailing deep into the seas of your past and take a trip, a voyage to explore the complex machinery of your mind, we will discover, or rather come to a turning point in your life when, as a rebellious teenager, you were asked to choose and alignment when creating your first AD&D character, you chose 'chaotic good' and that just stuck with you for the rest of your life, turning you into a fan boy of your fictitious persona, because of the way she/he behaved in the game, so instead of molding it according to your personality, as most players do, you based your real life on a character from a game you played 15 years ago.

oh...

that's right, 'oh....'

'chaotic good' let me look it up..

...

...

here:

Chaotic Good

A Chaotic Good character favors change for a greater good, disdains bureaucratic organizations that get in the way of social improvement, and places a high value on personal freedom, not only for oneself, but for others as well. They always intend to do the right thing, but their methods are generally disorganized and often out of sync with the rest of society. They may create conflict in a team if they feel they are being pushed around, and often view extensive organization and planning as pointless, preferring to improvise.


am I right?

maybe, but i don't think it's that black and white though, we are a product of a million different variables, experiences we had and information we gathered through out our life, you can't blame one single life choice for all the events to come in someones life forever and ever.

that's why I said it was a turning point, because that's what turning points are, and a call you made years ago can still dictate your view of the world and society as a whole.

I'm not totally convinced, but it's definitely an interesting idea, well worth exploring

i think we have made some progress today

are we out of time?

unfortunately yes, but it was an interesting session, looking forward to our next one

alright




November 10, 2014

November 9, 2014

no point in reading this


So, what's the general sentiment at the heart of life in China?

it would be hard to say, hard to choose just feeling to represent such a vast nation's real motivations, and it's hard to criticize with the limit perspective of being generally just an outsider, we as foreigners have heard or read most of the hardships the Chinese population has been put through, but we haven't experienced them ourselves.

How about just one idea, of your view as an outsider, on the Chinese populace as a whole?

Well, it seems as great majority of people here have completely lost their goals and motivation, they just live to consume and then they die.

Is that any different from any other country though?

Probably not, probably people are the same everywhere and it doesn't seem to be one enlightened nation where everyone's well and happy, even financially prosperous countries seem to face lots of social problems like alcoholism and depression.

So everyone everywhere just lives to make money, then spend that money and then die? How about the artists, or the homeless, protesters, dreamers, visionaries?

I don't know, but I have to go now

ok, bye




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September 4, 2014

no waifu no laifu



are you still into that anarchist thing?

which one?

You know, that one with a weird german name

Zeitgeist? www.thezeitgeistmovement.com/mission-statement

That one

Well, many things have changed since we used to go to the zeitgeist meetings from our Australian chapter. have I given up on the hopes of being part of a system based on the efficient use of resources and sustainable development instead of a money-based economic system, the answer would be no, I haven't given up, I just happen to live in a communist country where people actually thinks it's ok to be gunned down if they complain about their government.

You know they don't get killed right away right? They get tortured and their organs are removed while they are still alive to sell them to the highest bidder.

I know that 60.000 falung gong people, Tibetans, muslims, etc all killed because of their organs, because Chinese government wants more and more money, they can't get enough of it. Western countries criticize china all the time because of their human right abuse records but they fail to see that the Chinese government does it just for the money, because they have been brought up to believe money is their god but I don't think I'm an anarchist for following the zeitgeist movement, nor am I an anarchist for believing our socioeconomic system is structurally corrupt and in need of replacement. I really truly believe in the function of a government that looks after people, it's just that the ones we currently have are more into harvesting organs and thrashing down everything than into taking care of their people.
And because of a vague understanding of how childish it is to hate the governments and how immature am I still, in some of my political views, I actually admire the venus project people for being mature enough for not needing to place blame on any individual or group of individuals. They know politicians are merely a product of a socioeconomic system in need of change and they planned every single step of the transition process. While some of us are just complaining and looking for someone to take the blame for our problems, they are actually solving them, all of them.

And are you still into conspiracy theories?

That would depend on your definition of a conspiracy theorist.
If you think a conspiracy theorist is someone who believes our politicians are reptiles, they hide aliens and secret messages all around then no, I'm not a conspiracy theorist, if you think a conspiracy theorists is someone who thinks rich, powerful people meet behind closed doors to talk about ways to stay rich or get more power then the answer would be yes. And in my eyes, any idea or "conspiracy" would be automatically dismissed as false once the paranormal has been introduced to it. Either the paranormal or the complicity of more than a few dozen people. So yes, it's probable 10 or 20 people got together and planned to assassinate some politician or blow up some building so they would have an excuse to invade a country to take over their drugs or oil industries. But no, you wouldn't get thousands of scientists to agree in a wrong concept, the more people need to be involved for it to work, the higher the chances of the conspiracy not working.

Ok, so you believe only in conspiracies that don't have supernatural points to it, that have less than a few dozen people on it and that involve the government doing something bad to the people, because you hate the governments and you love the people, especially the underprivileged ones, right?

Well, when you say it like that…

In other words, you would accept a conspiracy theory to be true only if it helps you prove your point that governments are evil. If it doesn't do good to your agenda you would dismiss it. Or if they include something you don't want to believe in, like the paranormal.

It's not that I don't want to believe…

Now that we are somehow in the realm of the unexplained, I heard you have been keeping a dream journal this year, is that right?

Out of curiosity mostly

Because you read that article about lucid dreams, and you decided to do what they say and see if it's true?

Yes, but just out of curiosity, there's not much research done about it, and I have to dream anyway every night, so an inquisitive mind would try experimenting with it, keeping a journal, doing reality checks to make sure I'm awake, if it doesn't work at least it may help with my overall awareness of my place in this vast cosmic ocean.

Either that or you want to learn it so you can gang bang some russian midgets or something

What? No…

Bang some aliens?

That's just sick!

Bang some character from an anime or videogame?

That would be quite cool actually

Spot on!

No no, I mean that just sounds better than aliens or midgets but it doesn't mean I would like to do it. I wouldn't want my readers to think I'm weird or creepy, right?

It's a bit late for that, they know you are weird and creepy because they have been reading you for a few years.

But I wouldn't want to make it worse.

You just did

I don't get it, why do we have to bang something in the first place? Where did that come from?

I don't know, we are sexual beings?

Are we? Or we chose to be so? Or we believe we are so? Are all animals sexual beings because they have sex or reproduce? How about plants? Or bacteria?

Bacteria are asexual beings, they just replicate themselves, so no, single cell asexual microbes are definitely not sexual beings

How about plants? Are they sexual beings?

I guess plants can reproduce either sexually or asexually so weather they are sexual beings or not would depend on the kind of plant, but you're not going to redirect the conversation so easily, I want to know which videogame character would be the lucky one

From the top of my head and assuming we live in a hypothetically futuristic utopian world, where banging videogame characters is both socially accepted and encouraged, and if I absolutely ought to chose one so I wont get banished from home or shunned by other members of this futuristic society, I'd say Aya Brea from Parasite eve

Really? I would have guessed some final fantasy character, maybe selphie or yuffie

Those are also good options but if aya would be somehow unavailable my second choice would probably be Athena from KOF.

How about a third one?

Maybe ayame  from tenchu?

That's cool, that's cool, not creepy at all

A little creepy

It's all hypothetical remember?

Of course

See you next time?

That's right.




July 27, 2014

News from China


Are you usually overworked there?

It depends some weeks are worse than others, this week we have summer camp at our school, so we have lessons from 9 to 1 then we have to go to some outing, and then few more lessons in the evening
Do you have some assistants to help you?

I have a few and they are the good ones.

What do you mean?

Well you know after few years of teaching I've had many kinds of assistants, so:
The good ones are the ones that don't make your job more difficult, they help you control the student and prepare some activities or materials for them
 The bad assistants come in different shapes actually, some they get very low pay so they don't care about the students or the classes. Some they think they are the teachers, so instead of helping you they want to teach the classes for you, some there resent the foreign teacher for some reasons, they think they steal their jobs or they get higher salaries than them, or are not qualified enough, or they don't know the students language or culture, so it can be hard working with them


Sounds a bit like the doctors/nurses relationship, they should be working together but end up inconveniencing each other

I guess you could say that

And I want to ask, why aren't you vegan anymore?
 
I don't know actually. Even though its been a few years since I abandoned it, I still have ambiguous, or how to say it? How to explain? Ambivalent ideas? Conflicting opinions.
It's hard to put an idea into words while knowing that your decision and your actions could either save or condemn billions of animal lives plus human ones because of the ramifications of either decision.

The base idea behind my decision to abandon veganism was that freeganism would save way more animal lives in the long run.

Veganism is a well known word nowadays; it refers to people who are against animal cruelty or exploitation so they try not to contribute to it.

Freegans on the other hand, eat, wear and use things they find for free, mostly because they have been discarded by other people. So living of the scraps of society means a massive reduction of your impact on the environment and the animals of course.

Vegan products are usually more expensive and hard to come by, but ultimately it may have been the extremist zeal vegans usually display, judging you if you only agree with them 99 instead of 100%.
So yeah, I would wear leather boots or jackets that had been thrown away or given to me by someone who doesn't need them anymore because it's just the right thing to do and I would eat the road kill or meat I found on the bin because it has been already discarded.


And what do you think about super foods?
­

I actually discovered them this year, well I knew they existed, but never had the chance to try them out. Because I had no money or didn't know how to find them, but at Chinese local markets and taobao I was able to find goji berries, maca, bee pollen, royal jelly, spirulina, basil seeds, and many others. So this year I've been trying them and have been working alright for me.


Are you still counting calories and such?


I do actually, just don't know exactly why, either because of OCD or because of trying to apply the results of every scientific study I read on. I have to consume an exact amount of fats, proteins and carbs according to the necessities of that day. Exact amount of BCAA before and after exercise, and to the mg accurate quantities of vitamins and minerals, no less than what I need and no more than what my body can absorb to avoid wasting some.


Isn't that too much? What happens if you miss some or you consume more or less of something?


Probably nothing, just me getting paranoid.


But what's the point? Most people just eat whatever they want and stay healthy anyway.


But you know I'm not most people, I do what I want and I try to want what is good for me. If I can choose then why not choosing something that's good?


How about alcohol?


A few glasses of wine or beer once or twice a week has been proven to be much better than no alcohol at all.


Have you played any good games lately?


Toradora portable for the last few months, can't seem to get over it somehow


Watched any good movies or shows?


Oh! Computer broke early this year, and somehow it felt like I would be wasting a lot of time on it if I decided to get another one, so I just left it at that


Read any good books?


Just 2 on the last few months, les misserables and the 3 musketeers, both amazing, last week I started reading david copperfield but didn't quite get into it yet


And how about that motorbike trip


Yes, maybe next time we can talk more about it


I heard you have a dog now


That's right


Cute?


As cute as it gets, it's been an amazing experience seeing him growing up from puppy, we go for a run around the lake and she waits for me while I exercise.


Is it a nice lake?


Well, it's nice for Chinese standars, but that's not saying much really.


Why do you hate china so much?


Just the smokers, it's too much


People smoke a lot?


Well official statistics say 75% of Chinese man smoke, but for people living in china we know it's closer to 92%, they smoke always and everywhere, every single eatery, or café, supermarket, internet bar, hospitals, busses, taxis, cinemas, elevators, even at the school I work at people smoke all the time, of course it's not my first time to work or live in a hostile environment and I know it's part of Chinese culture, and I understand it's not peoples fault, I know government promotes and often enforces the smoking of processed tobacco in public places particularly when children are around and specially government run institutions, like schools hospitals, and police officers. I know doctors, teachers and policemen's can't choose not to smoke because they will get fired, I know 20% of Chinese government income comes from tobacco, so I understand all the social and economical ramifications of smoking in china, but it's really just too much. For them it's normal because they don't know better, but for us it's still hard to put up with, no matter how long have you been in china, you never quite get used to it.


It seems like you know a lot about smoking in china


Yes, I also know there are like 4000 chemichals released into the air every time they light out one of those things they smoke, and few hundred of those are carcinogenic and some are even radioactive and I have to breath them every day because "it's Chinese culture".


Well, it's their country, they can do as they please, you are an intruder, can't complain


But I'm a guest here, I should be treated with the respect I deserve


What makes you think you deserve any kind of respect from anyone?


I don't know, maybe you are right, I don't deserve anything good from them, if the current Chinese government killed 45 million for no apparent reason during the great leap forward I should actually be thankful they haven't killed me yet


Are you trying to deviate from the subject to make a point? Straw man argument?


I have failed on my crusade to find allies to join me against the smokers and the Chinese government, so my last hope is going off topic or self pity


That's pathetic, why so much negativity? What's the point of it? There must be a bright side to it all, I know you can find it, and I know you know how to be happy, you know how to be in control of your emotions, you can turn them all around with your love, with your smile, your passion and your rational and critical mind, but you are just using this media as an escape route to let some steam off and write down things you can't tell anyone because you can't use facebook anymore and you are the only foreigner in your city, so you feel lonely. And even though isolating and alienating yourself is actually one of your specialties, some of your readers don't want to hear your rants, they just want to see 

Bruce's "dere" side


Did you just call me Bruce?


Yeah, that's your name while in China right?


Oh, right, but I got so used to it that I may used it in other countries as well


Haha, alright Bruce! So when do we get to see it?


See what?


Your "dere"side"?


Dere as in…


Oh, you know, as in that tsundere thing


Tsundere? but you are not in japan anymore, how come you remember that otaku word


Maybe some things just stay with us


hmmm, but otakus… :s


It's just a word man! Don't read too much into it


Man??? Now you are trying to sound cool to make it up for your hikikomori ways?


Yeah man! Sup man, hos it goin dude!?


닥쳐!


Haha


Read you again soon?


Yes :)


July 6, 2014

can write again




I'm not sure actually…

What do you mean?

well, blogger is still blocked in china, same as google, gmail, facebook, youtube, etc, but when I went to HK I set up the posting preferences from this blog so I can post by email now, so came back to china, opened a Chinese email account and now maybe I can post again by sending an email to a specific blogger address

but you can't check if they get published or not.

Right and I cant use my gmail account until I leave this… country…

And how is your Chinese email account


sup with you and puppies?

They are just cute so I want them in my email

Or is it that think YOU are cute?

Well, I may be or may not be a narcissist, and we may possibly debate that some other time, what's important now is that I don't know if this posts gets published or not, so I feel like I'm cast away on an island and throw this message on a bottle, for someone to find it on the future, it may get lost, it may drift away or it may be picked up by a famous journalist who will publish it for the world to read it.

Thus making your narcissist ass famous at last

That's unimportant, once again, as I will never get to hear about that fame because of being stranded.

You must have many stories to tell

Some

If I remember right this is not your first year in china, so how come this didn't affect you before?

The first year I was in china it was 2009, and it was a different world back then, we had a lot of VPN and proxy websites, secure tunnel, hidemyass, it was slow but still possible to get on facebook and such, now they have blocked them all, even proxy and vpm mobile apps.  Also before there was not much control over the foreigners living here, we could get long term stay visas easily and pretty much do anything we wanted to, during the years ive been away there have been several witch hunts that led to foreigners being prosecuted and hunted like mutants.

And how does that affects your daily life?

Well I reckon is not as bad as north korea or Somalia yet, but soldiers stop us if we take a bus to other city they will target only foreigners and do routine inspections on them, they usually let us go eventually and the visas have become a procedure so complicated that makes Russian visa look like an underdog on a troublesome to get visa contest.

Sounds like everything's back to normal then, you hate the government and the government hates you. Except that now instead of living in a democratic country where you have freedom of speech, of movement and expression like korea, Taiwan, Australia, etc, you live in a tyrannical totalitarian dictatorship where government is actually doing way worse things than what you accuse them to, thus giving you a fair reason to complain without people accusing you of being a conspiracy theorist.

I'm actually at the heart of the conspiracy now.

Last time you wrote about your adventures was while you were in new Zealand, what happened after that?

Too many things, and I wish I could write a book just about the adventures in new Zealand, but then there was Australia once again and motorbike trip from Malaysia to china, and now here once again in china with a stable life and a stable job.

Why china? Why again?

Because despite china being a shithole, oh sorry, despite china being not such a nice place to live due to the  current political, environmental and social circumstances. It's still a place where foreigners can just show up and find a decent paid job from one day to the other, there are hundreds of cities and they all have hundreds of jobs. So one can always come to china to save money for a few months and then using that money to live a relaxed comfortable life in a peaceful nearby country (japan, korea, Taiwan, Malaysia, etc)

So you will start posting here again now? I've got like so many questions for you…

When I'm not overworked yes, and there's still that Chinese email address you can write me to.

The puppy one?

That's right.

I shall be hearing from you soon then.

Soon enough

Good luck.